How is everyone? I've been gone for awhile. I had all these plans for the blog and then I quickly became overwhelmed. I got writer's block and decided to step away for a bit. Boy did I need it.
I needed a moment to collect myself. I'm still not sure where I stand on much of anything. I thought Logan's diagnosis would make life easier and I was naive. It's not that life is harder per say, but life is busier. Logan has therapy 5 times a week. Usually 2 per day. When we're not doing therapy with him; were spending time with each other and making sure that Mason doesn't feel left out.
Therapy doesn't end when the therapist leaves though. I've come to understand that if I want to see improvement I have to become one of them...in a way. Our entire life has become one huge therapy session. I hate to put it this way, but everything Logan wants he has to work for. It's a way to reinforce him to do the "appropriate" things. Even Mason has caught on. (I'll talk more about that in a post related to ABA.)
It is the sweetest thing to hear Mason saying, " Logan say...", and when Logan gives it a try he tells him "good job." We're really in this together. We're not a family with a child diagnosed with Autism. We're an Autism family. Autism affects all of us.
When Logan was diagnosed I was given his diagnosis and sent home to deal with it. As a way to cope with the reality of my suspicions I buried myself in research and I signed him up for everything. Maybe I over did it, and that's why became overwhelmed. I just didn't want to waste valuable time sulking.
With time I realized that I need time to grief. I've read a couple of posts by other moms explaining what it's like. It really is like a grieving process, and I'm not very far into yet. The wound is still fairly raw. It stings when it's brought up because I'm not always ready to talk about it. My heart breaks at the playground when he rather play with his behavior analyst than with other children. My eyes fill with tears when a kid younger than him is saying hi, bye and singing ABCs. It's not just Autism...it's what comes with it.
In the past nearly 6 months since this all started I've learned to celebrate even the smallest of things. Maybe he doesn't sing the ABCs...yet, but he tells me drink when he's thirsty and eat when he's hungry. I wouldn't trade that for the world. Why? Because he's come so far. I watched him regress, and watching him make progress is great.
I find myself feeling guilty a lot. My heart breaks for Mason because he gets dragged into all of this. However, I don't know a child sweeter than him. Special needs siblings are truly special beings. They are like a little slice of heaven, and I am so grateful I am raising a son like Mason. I wouldn't trade him for anything in this world. He's wise beyond his years.
I don't want to bore anyone talking about Autism, possibly another reason why I stepped back. However, Autism is part of our lives now and I started this blog to share the good, the bad and everything in between. Not that I will turn this into an Autism blog, but a lot of what I talk about will be related to it. It's just me embracing it!
