Starting Over

"I guess I expected things to be different." Those are the words that came out of my mouth this afternoon as my honey got his schedule for his morning job. "Things will get easier babe. We're starting over of course they are hard." Thats what he said to me! I hold on to that saying if it was easy everyone would do it. 

I don't regret our decision. We are happy here. Happier than we've been in a long time. I just wish even if just for a little while that it wasn't so rough. The couple of days have been really hard home with the boys. I'm not sure where I stand as far as keeping my job or quitting. I'm very torn. The hassle just doesn't seem worth it to me. The only thing we're sure about right now is that the boys won't be going to daycare. Its an unnecessary expense that would cost twice as much as I would be bringing home. Not worth a dime when they could stay home with me. 

We have tons of things to figure out. We are starting from the bottom and working our way up. We have to find a home, I am going for a doula workshop in a couple of months, he has two jobs, I have one, our almost 3 year old will be starting some sort of homeschooling this upcoming fall and we have to get another car at some point. Staying home, carless is getting to me. I live in area right now where we could walk everywhere yet I'm limited because my oldest son will only walk so far before he asks to be carried. Its not staying home with them all day that drives me nuts. Its the not having anything to do that does. There are mornings that I can keep the car and go to the mall and play or walk or whatever, but there are days when he has to go from one job to the next right away. Its the lack of time. The no time spent with the boys on his behalf because he gets home and they are in bed and leaves again when they wake up. Its the fear that our communication will suffer. Breaks my heart honestly. I don't want this for my family! 

Its rough. We are extremely fortunate to have a roof over our heads thanks to a very dear friend to us. We are fortunate to have found work so quickly. We are truly blessed. I just need that extra dose of strength to keep pushing and fighting for what my family deserves. Rough days are not a sign of weakness but a sign that I am human. We all have them. 

I leave you with this. "If God brought us to it; He'll bring us through it." Amen.