Bedsharing.

Whether you call it bed-sharing, co-sleeping or sleep-sharing as parents I think we can all admit that we have done it. Whether accidentally or on purpose it has been done. Those nights when you're up feeding the baby or your child is sick and you're just too tired to get up another thousand times. Baby just seems to sleep better when he's with you. Actually, he does or so does a small research done by Dr. Sears shows he does. 

I'll start by saying we bed share because its what works for us. Its what we love and with me its an instinct thing. From the moment my babies were born it was instinct to sleep with them on our chest or in bed with us. We just all got more sleep that way. My first born's second night of life was horrific. I knew he was allergic to the formula the hospital was giving him and the nurses treated me like I didn't know a damn thing. Naive me didn't even consider nursing him, wish a had. Anyway, because he was allergic he was colicky and if anyone has ever had a colicky baby you know they will fall asleep then wake up screaming and scream for hours. The only time anyone slept that night was when he was in our arms or on our chest. I didn't feel like I was doing anything wrong, and that's how our bed-sharing journey began. 

Once I brought him home he slept in bed with me, and when his dad moved back in that we transitioned him into his crib (in our room) he still ended up in our bed in the middle of the night. At 7 months old he got his own room and that's how our current arrangement came into play. We would (well still do) lay in our bed with him until he's asleep, we move him to his bed and at some point in the night he ends up in our bed. Its usually mornings though, but he still climbs out of his bed and into ours. 

We bed-shared all through my second pregnancy. We bed-shared when he was hospitalized. Surprisingly, none of the doctors at the children's hospital looked down upon it. They actually encouraged it. However, their pedi is not a fan. She says I will regret it in the future when they are 10 and still wanting to sleep with us. To that I still say they will stop sleeping with us when they are ready. 

When my second was born we roomed in. He had a bassinet set up in our bedroom and our oldest still ended up on our bed every night. The baby wasn't a fussy baby, but some nights I would fall asleep nursing him or burping him and wake up a couple hours later with him on my chest or some how daddy had him. We do a lot of mom feeds and daddy puts to sleep when we can. :)

I cannot begin to tell you how many times the nurses barked at me to put baby back in the bassinet once we were done nursing at the hospital. How could I though? This child on his second night was nursing every 15-30 mins for 20-45 mins straight. I was none the less EXHAUSTED from my delivery, visitors and a baby that wanted to keep eating. Of course I was going to keep him in bed with me. Plus must I say I had the bed flat and the rails up. Can you blame me for wanting some sleep? 

Currently, the boys are put to sleep in our bed or on us by either of us, transferred to their room and around 4-7am the baby wakes up for a bottle and goes back down with us. Sometimes I wake up to get the baby and my first is already in our bed. If they are sick, there's no questioning that they are sleeping with us. We don't mind. We love it. Given that daddy rarely is home in their waking hours I'm sure the boys miss him. 

I know some people are probably shaking their heads. Saying things like, "but what about intimacy" or "they must have no sex or privacy". Let me just tell you if your bedroom is the only place you have sexy time you are not living life! I don't intend to make my parenting work for anyone that isn't my boys or honey. This is what works for us.

I've had numerous people talk down on our arrangement saying things like:

•you're spoiling them

•you'll ruin your relationship 

•they'll be dependent etc etc etc

For everyone's peace of mind my boys are loving, nurturing, independent little men at 2 years and 7 months old. I wouldn't want to raise them any other way! 

Ps. Do keep in mind that if you are under the influence of any substance or doubt your ability to react...do not bed share, as do we. If we've had as small as one drink the boys stay in their room. One slip up and they can be gone. 

Helpful Links:

http://www.askdrsears.com/topics/sleep-/co-sleeping-yes-no-sometimes

http://birthwithoutfearblog.com/2011/11/17/cosleeping-fear-mongering-flawed-research-and-how-to-cosleep-safely/

http://birthwithoutfearblog.com/2012/12/06/siblings-cosleeping-and-bed-sharing-part-1-safety-and-advantages/

And this link that Birth Without Fear's blog lead me to: http://neuroanthropology.net/2008/12/21/cosleeping-and-biological-imperatives-why-human-babies-do-not-and-should-not-sleep-alone/