I will not rush you.

Its taken me months to come to terms with Logan being my last baby. Yes I want more children, but that is not possible. Over the past few months I've been focusing on enjoying the babies I am blessed with and cherishing my time with them rather than longing for more. Thats not to say at times I don't day dream about the birth I long to have or nursing a baby again or even those hard yet one of a kind newbie days. 

My boys are really different. Mason is very independent always able to keep himself busy. Logan is needy. Always wants to be held and needs me to constantly put whatever I am doing down and focus myself on him. For the most part I don't mind. There are rough days when I wish he would grow out of it. Logan has problems communicating his needs. At almost 17 months he doesn't say simple words my older used to say at this age. Logan screams and cries. I'm not sure why. 

Not being able to communicate with him frustrates me. I often feel touched out because he needs something and I cant  figure it out. I'll be walking away and he'll stand in my way. I baby wear a lot to be able to get things done, but I don't always want to be touched. I don't know if he has some disorder or something, but I know our bond is like no other. 

The bond I have with Logan is very strong. He always wants to be with me. When I walk into a room its like he hasnt seen me in decades. I love that. I love knowing I'm the center of his world. He wont sleep on his own not even for a few hours. He has to be in our bed, and even though I'm ready to no longer bedshare all night he's not. He still wants to be with me. 

Yesterday I made a comment about how I feel like he'll be in diapers forever. At his age Mason showed interest in the potty. He doesn't, but I wont rush you baby. I know you will need me for many years to come and I will take it all in.