Showing posts with label gentle discipline. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gentle discipline. Show all posts

Wednesday, December 11, 2013

We Have It All Wrong


For many years, I have heard parents say things like "because I said so" or "because I'm the parent and you're the child" "i say what goes here". I always cringe. Children constantly get treated like less than what they are by their parents. Their word doesnt matter because they're just children. 

I am strongly for children being treated equal to us adults. Of course I don't hold the same expectations as for an adult, but children have feelings too. Things make them feel uncomfortable or they may want to express a dislike for something. They have a voice and should be encouraged to use it rather than shut it off from the very start. 

Now in adulthood I have constantly dealt with parents going against their children because the child has chosen to go about things their own way and I'm not just referring to small children. How many times in your adult life has your parent told you that you had it all wrong when all you were doing was sharing your decision? I constantly see it in my family! Parents on both sides always trying to control the decision of their children. 

We need to understand that our children are not our property. We cannot control our children. We can only teach lessons and guide throughout life. We can offer advice and our own experiences, but it is unfair to justify your control over what your children choose to do by saying I just don't want you to make the same mistakes I did. Well guess what? They won't! 

Our children will choose their own path in life. All they want is our support and guidance. They will make their own mistakes. They are their own person and should be treated like so. Guide them every step of the way, but do not hound them as property for they are not. 

Friday, October 18, 2013

It works.

I'll start by saying that I do not degrade parents who use the traditional method. If it works for you its ok that its not what works for me. The tough part in my situation is that I am a passionate attachment parent while my other half is set on traditional ways. We very rarely agree. We we don't we talk it through and come to a compromise. I titled this post "It Works" because I have the gentle discipline work with my own children.

I am a firm believer that a child should be allowed to be the kid that he is. Let them learn from natural consequences rather than imposing your own. Work with them, so that they will work with you. My other half and I conflict on this matter a lot. Never in front of the children because its just not intended for that, but he believes in time outs and punishments while I don't. 

People think I'm soft and that my children walk all over me, but truth is that I just don't expect my children to behave like adults in a world they are just getting to know. I have my days when I have yelled or become so frustrated and overwhelmed that I have walked away. However, for the most part when I speak calmly to my 2 year old he tends to stop and is willing to hear me out. While if he is yelled no at or told you're going to get timeout he throws a tantrum. 

The following link compares both sides: http://www.attachmentparenting.org/principles/disc.php