Not Today.

I don't want to be a mom today. I'm drained. Completely touched out. Between changes within our family and my youngest son surgery approaching I'm just spent. I could really use a break. My only outlet is work and that's not really a break is it?! 

I think every mom has been there. Had one of those days when you just don't want to hear the word mommy 575674 times in a half hour. That has been me this afternoon. I could really just use a time out. 

I love my boys with all of my heart, but when you're surrounded by tiny humans all day you can go a bit crazy. All day I'm singing ABCs, playing blocks, watching The Wiggles or coloring. 

Today I kinda miss the days of no responsibility. The days when we could lay in bed all day and sleep our day away. I kinda miss the carefree days, but those days are long gone. Those days can't possibly remotely compare to these days right now. They weren't as rewarding as my days are now. 

Back then I didn't get tiny hugs and kisses. I didn't get I love you's or thank you's for making a peanut butter and jelly with bananas on the side. Today I may be drained, but at the end of the day I live the way my life is now. Tomorrow is a brand new day. It will be filled with more tantrums, but also more hugs and kisses. 

Mom rant over. Xoxo

Mama's Don't Clock Out

Today was a rough day. Mama's really don't clock out. I have been taking care of my boys pretty much alone for the past close to 3 weeks. As mentioned plenty of times before their father has 2 jobs. Well he has two jobs with which he has no common days off except Tuesdays. So he pretty much works 6 days a week and 4 out of those 6 days he works double. This isn't how its supposed to be. 

I have a 13 month old who still wakes up twice a night at the LEAST! I am constantly cooking, cleaning, changing diapers, just always taking care of someone. Someone that isn't me. On too of that I am handling all the other stuff that comes from us moving down here and starting over, I am still working part time, and trying to begin my doula career. I must have super powers. 

I think today was especially tough because of the time change. The boys were extra cranky and so was I. I seriously cannot function without coffee and I did not have one today. I usually have three. We napped around 2:30, but 5:30 the baby was a mess. Crying and throwing himself everywhere. I played with him, rocked him, gave him his sippy. He wasn't having it. Around 6:45 I said "I've had enough. I need a minute to myself." I cooked them dinner. Serve them. And sat them in front of the tv to watch cartoons. Go ahead judge away...

I don't care what you have to say about me using the tv as a baby sitter. I needed time to myself or I would have snapped. I locked myself in the bathroom and showered peacefully. An hour later once done I peak into the dining room and they had finished all their dinner and we're quietly watching the tv. There was no trace of food left on those plates and no mess whatsoever. My shower was he first time I was alone all day. I enjoyed it and a couple sprays of Happy Mama Spray were the pick me up I needed today. 

Us mama's are on the clock around the clock, but we deserve to take a break. I came to the realization tonight while showering an unhappy stressed mama means unhappy stressed children and no one wants that. We cant possibly take care of everyone if we don't care for ourselves. We're not being selfish mamas. We're being human. We deserve some love too.