Making progress...

I sadly had to give up breastfeeding 5 months in due to a teething, cranky baby who refused to latch. My heart ached for weeks. It still aches. I wanted to nurse until at least age 2. We both miss nursing, but his gums were so inflamed he just wanted immediate relief for his gums. 

I think I tried just about everything. Numbing with ice, expressing into his mouth prior to trying to latch, and when I saw the consultant for the second time a couple of weeks ago I was at my breaking point. See the thing is we're not ready to let it go. It may sound selfish, but baby boy does still look for the boobie and I long for the connection nursing gave us. 

I know I should be proud for making it to 5 months of exclusive breastfeeding especially because my first born was not exclusively breastfed, but I guess having higher expectations for myself is what kills me. I'm determined to relactate and give my son what is best. The last time I saw the lactation consultant she mentioned that I should try skin to skin. 

I began doing skin to skin immediately. His teeth finally cut through and thanks to that and a baltic amber necklace he seems more comfortable. A few days in he latched for a few minutes and that to me meant the world. Today though...baby boy was very fussy! He wouldn't go down for a nap no matter what I did. I sang, I rocked and I even put a lullaby on, but he wouldn't budge. Until I put him on the breast. As soon as I lifted my shirt and laid him there he was out for the count within a minute. 

Breastfeeding to me is magic! The bond formed between mother and child is magical. No words for it. No words to describe such beauty, love, and selflessness. I've had so many obstacles nursing baby boy, and maybe I'll never be able to relactate, but I will make sure I try my hardest an exhaust all my options. At the end of the day if I don't make my goal I'll know that I tried my very best.

My Experience

Happy World Breastfeeding Week! :) This post will be utterly about my own thoughts and my own experience. 

Back when I was pregnant with my first I knew nothing about nursing. All I knew was that it was best for baby and mom, but I felt like I would be violating my son by putting him on the breast. Not until he was about 2-3 weeks old did that natural instinct to nurse kick in and by then it was kind of late to exclusively breastfeed him. 

See the thing is society has made breast a sexual thing. They are NOT! Breast were not given to women for mere sexuality or else they wouldn't produce milk. Breasts we given to nourish and comfort our little ones when they need it most. Only a sick person can sexualize such a beautiful, selfless act as breastfeeding.

There are so many things I wish I could change about the birth of my first son. Immediately giving him formula being one of them. When my milk came in and I wanted to latch him he did, but he didn't get full on just the breast. By the 3rd month I was dry. So many things would have been different if I had been more educated and had more support.

With my second pregnancy I was determined to make things different. My 2nd son was immediately nursed after birth, and by immediately I mean before his cord was even cut he was on the breast. Because of my research and the support I had nursing him came naturally. I didn't feel uncomfortable. I wanted to nurse him past a year old. I wanted to nurse until he weaned himself had that been at 1 or 3 years old. 

Then teething happened. Around 4 months old he started fussing while nursing. We pushed forward and started doing more formula to supplement. By month 5 he was completely not latching. I was so bummed to have to stop. I still have milk and he still looks for his boobie, but when I latch him...he cries. I wish his teeth weren't taking ages. 

He's 6.5 months now and I do have plans to relactate him. Relactation is when you bring your child back to the breast after weeks or months of not nursing and/or rebuilding a decreased or otherwise dried up supply. Some of the things we been doing are practicing lots of skin to skin, I hand express under warm water and do warm compresses. i try not to force him to latch. I'm afraid that if I push him too hard he'll get too frustrated and not want it at all. The following picture is of our first nursing session immediately after birth:

Breastfeeding did so many things for me that nothing else could. It made me comfortable in my own skin. I felt empowered. Confident. Proud. Happy. So many different great things at once. It was one of the best accomplishments thus far in motherhood for me. Sometimes I wonder about how different things would be if my first had been exclusively breastfed. Would it be easier this time? Would I be tandem feeding them if I had the education I have now? Questions to which it may seem like I'll never have the answer, but my heart knows the answer. No doubt this time would be a bit easier and I would most definitely be tandem feeding if possible. 

Below is my favorite nursing picture of my youngest son Logan at 3.5 months old and some helpful links:

Bless the heart of the man God gave me for he has been my rock through all of this. He was the first to tell me "why don't you put him back on?" He understands how much we both miss nursing. Love ya babe! ❤

Helpful Links:

http://theleakyboob.com/2011/12/your-guide-to-relactation/

http://www.lalecheleague.org/nb/nbtandem.html