Making progress...

I sadly had to give up breastfeeding 5 months in due to a teething, cranky baby who refused to latch. My heart ached for weeks. It still aches. I wanted to nurse until at least age 2. We both miss nursing, but his gums were so inflamed he just wanted immediate relief for his gums. 

I think I tried just about everything. Numbing with ice, expressing into his mouth prior to trying to latch, and when I saw the consultant for the second time a couple of weeks ago I was at my breaking point. See the thing is we're not ready to let it go. It may sound selfish, but baby boy does still look for the boobie and I long for the connection nursing gave us. 

I know I should be proud for making it to 5 months of exclusive breastfeeding especially because my first born was not exclusively breastfed, but I guess having higher expectations for myself is what kills me. I'm determined to relactate and give my son what is best. The last time I saw the lactation consultant she mentioned that I should try skin to skin. 

I began doing skin to skin immediately. His teeth finally cut through and thanks to that and a baltic amber necklace he seems more comfortable. A few days in he latched for a few minutes and that to me meant the world. Today though...baby boy was very fussy! He wouldn't go down for a nap no matter what I did. I sang, I rocked and I even put a lullaby on, but he wouldn't budge. Until I put him on the breast. As soon as I lifted my shirt and laid him there he was out for the count within a minute. 

Breastfeeding to me is magic! The bond formed between mother and child is magical. No words for it. No words to describe such beauty, love, and selflessness. I've had so many obstacles nursing baby boy, and maybe I'll never be able to relactate, but I will make sure I try my hardest an exhaust all my options. At the end of the day if I don't make my goal I'll know that I tried my very best.