Mommy guilt.

Today is a bad day. Just one of those days when you desperately yearn for quiet and naps. I can't seem to win today.

Every morning I wake up with the determination to make the best of my days. More times than none my days can be tough but good. Today just sucks! 

One won't stop crying no matter what I do and the other is acting wild. I want to scream! Just off the top of my lungs scream. I love my kids with all my heart, but mommy needs a break or I'm going to snap. Simply put I'm overwhelmed with my workload and no one seems to notice. 

I feel broken because I can't do what I as a mother am designed to do. Tend to their needs. I feel trapped in a corner because they both want my attention and they want it NOW! Am supposed to be able to do this...yet I can't. 

I feel guilty for wanting a break. Guilty for having to let my children cry so that I can do what to every other human is just routine. How hard can it be to sit down and eat a meal? Try walking in my shoes. Its hard. Sometimes it never happens...and if it does my food is never my food because my two year old always seems to want a taste.

You know what I really want? I just want to be me again. To do things for me, take care of me without any guilt trips. I just want to appreciate myself and all I do. No one takes the load off my shoulders, its always just been mine to carry. 

For once I want to kick mommy guilt aside and put me first. Teach myself to understand that doing things for me doesn't make me a bad mother...it makes me human. Its me being alive.