Bad Mom

Today I was a bad mom. I know I'm not a bad mom, but today I felt like it. My oldest toddler is gettin very challenging. I know I should be more patient, but old habits die hard. I'm trying to be a better person and a better mother. Why was it that today when he yelled at me my first response was to pop him in the mouth?He cried and ran off. I cried and went in the other direction. Now that I think of it I never even apologized. I've been bad today! 

Why cant I be who I want to be overnight? I hate the things that are so challenging to stop. I feel as if I have failed my children. As if I am doing more harm than good, but traditional forms of discipline dont suit well with me. The way I see it is there has to be better ways. Things can't just be a you are told they are your entire life. What else is there?

Each and every single day in my journey as a mother is a challenging one. I don't proclaim to be the perfect mom because I am not. There is no perfect. I just want to be and do better because I know better. Each and every single day when my children test our boundaries; I am faces with a battle between what I have always known and all that I want to do differently. Most times I am capable of beating my demons. Other times they lash out before I can stop them and I find myself repeating what I said I'd never do. I want to be more gentle with them. More compassionate. Treat them more as ther own person rather than my property. At times I feel like a recovering addict who relapses. I just want better than what I had for my boys!

Am I a bad mom? No. I am a struggling mom. A mom trying to change her ways. Reprogram her brain to something shes never been exposed to. I am a good mom for wanting better. I am a good mom trying. A good mom for doing better. Everyone is allow mistakes. What matters is that we learn from them and move on. 

Everyone knows my boys can be a challenge to me. I chase wanting to be a better mother for them so much that I forget I am already a good mother to them. They don't hate me. Nor will they hate me if I have a rough day. I am human. Those boys have saved my life! They opened my eyes to everything I didn't know was out in the world. They are my guides. My guides to a more natural, peaceful lifestyle. They chose me as their mom. I am perfect in their eyes. 

If you feel as if you're a bad mom let me tell you that you are a WONDERFUL mom! You're doing the best you can. You have made it this far just keep pushing. Your baby/ies need you. Keep chasing better!

They are EVERYTHING!