My oldest toddler has been acting out lately. I was at a loss on what to do. He just recently started play school and that was a major change for him. He's never been away from us consistently for long periods of time. I didn't know if something was going on at school or if it was just a phase for him. I posted a question on a mommy fb page. With my question I also informed readers that he recently had pink eye and had started school. I also included that we parent gently and do not do time outs or physical punishment.
Most responses were helpful others were a bit...obnoxious. Someone even went on to say that my child is walking all over me and I need to improve my parenting because he is out of control. That struck a cord. My child is the furthest thing from out of control. I strongly believe something is going on with him whether its because he's turning 3 soon and that brings a whole lot of changes for him or because he's not feeling well or even because he's still getting used to school. Whatever it may be my child is not acting this way because hes a bad child. Atleast thats what I believe. I'm sure to others think he needs a good "spanking."
I realized people have the wrong impression of gentle parenting. If you say you parent gently people immediately assume your child bullies you. Thats not what it is about...atleast not for me. Gentle parenting for us is validating our children's feelings. Teaching them that its ok to feel all their feelings whether negative or positive and teaching them to express both effectively.
Almost everyone on there suggested time out. While I understand this may work for some; it does not work for us. Mainly because it doesn't feel right to me. I very clearly remember how I felt when my mom would send me to my room for the things I did "wrong". There was never any discussig the situation together. I don't want my children feeling like I'm shutting them out. We do time ins. Time in for us is when we get removed from the situation. We talk our feelings through and when we're calm and ready we go back. We apologize if the situation calls for it. Us as parents do most of the talking of course because our boys are still young, but it helps them knowing we're there for them.
Now I've been known to loose my shit...often. I'm human. I get frustrated and feel touched out too. I still try VERY VERY hard not to yell like I'm the big bad wolf, and you wont catch me hitting my sons for things. People think discipline is punishment. Like if my son hit me in order to teach him not to hit I have to hit him back. NO! Discipline is teaching lessons. I give my kids the credit they deserve. I believe they understand more than people give credt for. If they hit...we say we don't hit. Mommy or whomever doesn't like it when you hit. Its not nice. Now say sorry ok.
Everyone parents differently because everyone believes in different things. Everyone has different children. Even us. We parent each of our children differently because they are their own person. However, we parent each with the same concept in mind. To validate their feelings and allow them to be themselves.
I know it seems pathetic and not everyday goes like a fairy tale. I'm honest enough to say I'm not always the gentlest person around. I'm working on myself as I raise my children. Working to change ways that have been all I know for years.
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