Taking Risks

Our decision to move from home was a long time coming. When we first moved in together we had talked and planned on moving down to Florida. This was 5/6 years ago. Our plan fell through because those who said they would help turned the other cheek when we needed them most. From that moment on all we ever did was struggle. Lost apartment after apartment. Even after the boys were born  we continued to struggle just to buy a box or even a pack of diapers. Once we got a car it was a wrap. 

I remember when it broke down and it needed a new transmission. I remember when we were told how much it would cost. We made the hard decision to move into my father-in-laws house to be able to save on rent and pay the car. The days leading to our move were so hard. At times i really questioned why I was doing this, but then I would look at my boys and what I had to offer. I knew that I was doing it for them and that nothing else mattered as long as I could give them more. We were tired of feeling and being stuck. We aspired better and CT didnt have that for us anymore. 

Not everyone was supportive, I didn't expect them to be. The only thing I asked is that people understood why I was doing this. I wasn't doing it for anyone that wasn't my boys. They deserve so much better. The weeks leading up to us leaving the state I questioned everything. I had no idea how it would happen, but it was too late to go back. Every penny I had saved had gone into our move and at that point there was no turning back. We had to make it happen at all costs. 

We both worked until our last days there saving every penny we could. Things got so bad that we really thought leaving would have to wait. We spent many days eating nothing but peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. Struggling to buy milk for our kids and making sure they ate. I wanted to leave so badly, but knew things would happen when the time was right. From all the struggle I became constantly upset. From then on I said I don't care if all I have to my name is $2 we are leaving. This path feels right. God will provide.

We were supposed to leave on the 10th at 3am, but because of the snow that was headed our way we left the day before as earliest as we could. It was 10:30pm by the time we took off and 1:30 am by the time we exited Connecticut. I'm not sure how because everyone said gas would be over $300 worth, but we made it from Connecticut to Virginia on a tank of gas, from Virginia to South Carolina on another and from South Carolina to Florida on our last before we filled up here in Florida. I don't know how it happened, but I know it was The Lord. Every last dime has been because he has provided. 

We managed to stay at 2 motels worth over $200 for both. Our boys were always fed plus had snacks. Our entire trip we never went with out and we trooped it through a snow storm, an ice  storm and rain. I am still in shock that we have come this far and I am so grateful to those that offered a hand. We couldn't have done it without you. 

We took this leap of faith and The Lord has helped us all the way. Our car made it all 1100+ miles without a single problem. The funny thing is the next morning the tire was flat and the day after  it needed some work. We took it well. It had seriously made it through the trip its no wonder it needs some things done. 

I will never forget this trip. I am ever so proud of my babies for being so great through out this. They never once complained unless a need needed to be met. They were so cooperative and patient. We have stuck it through and plan on making it happen. Words wont ever express how we felt when we saw that "Florida Welcomes You" sign on the side of the highway. We have no choice but to make it happen. Its only forward from here. 

I want to also thank everyone that prayed for us and those who gave words of encouragement. Every bit has helped.

See You Later

For the past few days I have been staying at my mom's house. No matter how crazy she drives me nothing gives me comfort quite like being close to her. At one point we even lived next door to each other. Throughout my second pregnancy she was always with me. Then we decided to move away and as the day to turn over our apartment keys nearned I began to keep my distance. I kept my distance because I thought I was doing myself good by not getting too close that way when the time to leave arrived saying good bye would be easier. 

I managed to not come around too often until about a week ago when all the feelings from the realization that I was 9 days away from leaving rolled around. I missed my family and I was tired of where we were staying. As I gave things deeper thought I realized spending a few days with my family was only fair. After all, they deserve to be around my boys too, and even if I wanted to get away from everyone we would still miss everyone.

The day to leave draws near and my mom keeps commenting that she doesn't want to say good bye. She told me I need to leave while shes not here. I am respecting those wishes, but as we embark on this journey I want everyone to know that I don't want good byes. I want see you laters. We have chosen to do this for the better of our family.

We aspire greater things and more out i life that are just not possible here where we are. We feel stuck. We want change and in order to achieve what we aspire risks had to be taken. We are ready to face the challenges and the victories that will come with our adventure. So, as the day draws near...see you later we are out of here! 

Adapting

I can't say much now. However, we have made some decision for our family and as we all know things don't always go as planned. Things were planned out to happen differently and then our car broke down. I hoped and prayed it was an easy fix. I prayed so hard that we would be capable of fixing it and still pay our rent and bills. That wasn't the case. The car needed a new transmission and the costs of everything was a combination of our rent and bills. 

We thought long and hard about things. With no savings amounting up to what we needed to spend our decision was evident. We decided to move into a family member's home, turn our apartment in and fix our car. After all, we needed a car to go to work. Maybe there were different things that could have been done, but at that moment doing it that way was the right decision for us.

Going from having our own space to sharing another's comes with great difficulties. We now all sleep in one room and although we are proud bedsharers the boys enjoyed having their own space.    They are having a tough time with this. Adjusting to being under a different roof. Trying to understand that they are not visiting for a bit they are here to stay until we move on to the next step in our lives. 

I won't lie. My heart broke into millions of little pieces when I had to tell my 2 year old we weren't going home. That he needed to sleep at grandpa's because this is where we would be living now. How do you get such a young mind to understand such an adult thing? I know its all things that come with the territory, but I wish with all my might that it was easier on my boys. I wish I didnt have to take them out of their element to make bigger things happen for them. 

If one day they grow up and ask about this the one thing I want them to know is that I know it was hard to adjust, but We did everything in our power to make them comfortable, and I want them to keep in mind that on that day we made the decision that seemed most logical for our situation. We would never make a decision that directly affected them without first considering every aspect.

Adjusting has been hard. They wake up screaming in the middle of the night looking for us even when we are right there. One day all our hardships will be a thing of the past and they will have everything I've always pictured for their life. 

The Start of Something New

Some people have been asking if I deleted Facebook. Well yes I did! :) I've been contemplating the idea for a while. Truth is, most people on there that I had to "keep updated" on our boys can very easily pick the phone up and shoot us a text or a quick call. They just don't care enough to do so. 

Seriously, whatever happened to physical human interaction? How about the effort into keeping relationships alive? I'm not saying social networks or technology are the devil...I love both. However, they deprive us of the things life is all about. 

We fail to enjoy our surroundings for what they really are. I was very HUGE on Facebooking...it died down once I became a mom of two. I didn't necessarily post everyday (not counting the handful of pictures onto Instagram.) I only kept it for entertainment. Let's be honest, some people on there just take it wayyy too far! 

Anyway, my time spent on Facebook took away from the things that needed my attention most: my home and family. It's been a few days now since I got rid of it and I couldn't be happier. I don't miss it, and who would when my iPhone battery now lasts 12+hrs? No more charging 2-3 times in a day! ;)

I never thought I'd delete Facebook, but a good conversation with my honey got me to realize that in order to focus on me and the things I wanted...Facebook had to be gone for good. Mom always said, "Everything  in moderation is a good thing. If something is not doing you any good, get rid of it." I believe even the Bible says something along the lines that if your right hand is making you fall, cut it. 

Truth is, with all the negativity posted on there, all the mommy fights, the judging, the amount of people who instead of appreciating their lives would complain...it served me no good purpose. I also wanted to lead a more reserved life. I didn't want people knowing my very move, but I was already so used to just posting.

Deleting for good was the best choice. More changes are coming soon and I couldn't be more excited!