Having a Hard Time...Not Giving Me a Hard Time.

 

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If I were to tell you the overwhelming amount of times that I have received unsolicited parenting advice from strangers, we would be here all night long. It's true what they say. "If you have nothing nice to say...don't say anything at all." Sometimes these comments are well meaning, but they come out the wrong way. It is never a mother's intention to parade her cranky children around to run errands. Trust me when I say it is not.  We just have to do what we have to do. 

I didn't understand this until becoming a mother myself. I have written before (possibly) about how before I was a mom I used to say how that would never be me. In reference to the moms dealing with the toddler screaming at the grocery store because mom said no to candy or whatever the reason may be. I said my children would know better. Haha who was I kidding!? 

I have on more than one occasion been the mom whose child acted out in public. Had a tantrum or meltdown in the middle of grocery shopping. Your face turns red. People stare which makes it all worse. Anxiety creeps in and all you want to do is dart out of that door, but everything seems to be taking longer. If you're anything like me you fight the tears and the urge to give into to your child. Not because we don't discipline, but because it's all just too much. 

Our children don't necessiraly understand the concept of time. Their innocent little world falls apart when you tell them no. More times than none they don't mean to give you a hard time...they are just having a hard time. Because I like to relate my posts to real life I will tell you about times when I have been the mom with the screaming child. 

My sons are on a regular basis very well behaved. If they act out something is up. Tired and hungry are the biggest triggers.  This past Friday we went to buy some groceries and my son Mason was exhausted (he likes to wake up at the crack of dawn and not nap). In the middle of our shopping trip he started whining. No big deal most kids whine, but then he got louder and louder. He wasn't purposely wanting to give me a hard time . He was just done. 

While I do believe children push buttons to test boundaries as parents we know when our children do things on purpose. My son Logan being special needs (as most of you know) has a very hard time in loud crowded places, so he has meltdowns often. They happen in places like the grocery store a lot. He goes from happy to screaming within minutes sometimes seconds. I can't help to have to go grocery shopping, and I hate doing that to him. Others just need to grasp the concept that children at not robots. They are not to be bullied. They have feelings, and just like you and I have bad days... They do too. 

How do you handle your children's behavior? 

Tantrums vs. Meltdowns

It may seem unbelievable, but there is a difference. My 3 year old has lots of tantrums. Rarely a meltdown, and it is vice versa with his brother. When either happens in public it is somehow an invitation for strangers to assume, and proceed to comment with whatever way they deem is necessary to "put my children in their place." I don't appreciate that. 

Last week, I was at Walmart (why does everything happen here?) with my boys. This particular Walmart had a McD's. I walked in to buy my youngest some nuggets and fries. Don't judge me! When he refuses to eat anything else, and melts down at the sight of everything you have offered you would resort to the thing you know he'll have. Anyway, he was hungry and my oldest needed to go potty urgently. The McD's cashier proceeded to reprimand my oldest son as if he was some sort of wild animal. My son didn't cry, but he looked at me for reassurance. The lady asked me what was wrong with him, and I told her we do not speak to our children in that way. We aim to be as gentle and respectful as possible. 

My son was only acting the way he was because he wasn't getting his way. Most children his age do that. They don't know what patience is, and telling them to wait is almost as bad as saying NO. Even if what they need or want is not urgent to them it is. To children his age saying, "could you please hold it until we finish here" is like saying, "we will let your bladder explode." I'm sure it feels that way too. 

A meltdown is so far from a tantrum. My son Logan has meltdowns often. For example, this morning he cries for a half hour over oatmeal he didn't want. All he did was taste and look at it. I offered him some and he lost it. He was so emotional! Face was so red, and eyes swollen. When it was all over he was exhausted and withdrawn. I tried calming him by talking to him, but he just sobbed more. That stranger is a meltdown. Do not look at us like my child walks all over me or like I don't discipline him. Sometimes things get to be too much for him. He doesn't know how to say "mom the crowd is overwhelming me." Instead he screams and cries until he is removed from the situation.

My point is do not comment on other people's children's behavior. You don't know what is really going on. Two minutes standing in line with them does not mean you have a clue. No one can possibly draw accurate conclusions based on what you see. Hold your comments, some of them are hurtful and insensitive.