Tantrums vs. Meltdowns

It may seem unbelievable, but there is a difference. My 3 year old has lots of tantrums. Rarely a meltdown, and it is vice versa with his brother. When either happens in public it is somehow an invitation for strangers to assume, and proceed to comment with whatever way they deem is necessary to "put my children in their place." I don't appreciate that. 

Last week, I was at Walmart (why does everything happen here?) with my boys. This particular Walmart had a McD's. I walked in to buy my youngest some nuggets and fries. Don't judge me! When he refuses to eat anything else, and melts down at the sight of everything you have offered you would resort to the thing you know he'll have. Anyway, he was hungry and my oldest needed to go potty urgently. The McD's cashier proceeded to reprimand my oldest son as if he was some sort of wild animal. My son didn't cry, but he looked at me for reassurance. The lady asked me what was wrong with him, and I told her we do not speak to our children in that way. We aim to be as gentle and respectful as possible. 

My son was only acting the way he was because he wasn't getting his way. Most children his age do that. They don't know what patience is, and telling them to wait is almost as bad as saying NO. Even if what they need or want is not urgent to them it is. To children his age saying, "could you please hold it until we finish here" is like saying, "we will let your bladder explode." I'm sure it feels that way too. 

A meltdown is so far from a tantrum. My son Logan has meltdowns often. For example, this morning he cries for a half hour over oatmeal he didn't want. All he did was taste and look at it. I offered him some and he lost it. He was so emotional! Face was so red, and eyes swollen. When it was all over he was exhausted and withdrawn. I tried calming him by talking to him, but he just sobbed more. That stranger is a meltdown. Do not look at us like my child walks all over me or like I don't discipline him. Sometimes things get to be too much for him. He doesn't know how to say "mom the crowd is overwhelming me." Instead he screams and cries until he is removed from the situation.

My point is do not comment on other people's children's behavior. You don't know what is really going on. Two minutes standing in line with them does not mean you have a clue. No one can possibly draw accurate conclusions based on what you see. Hold your comments, some of them are hurtful and insensitive.