Dreams on Hold

Image Credit: Google Images

For about 2 years now I've wanted to become a doula. The pregnancy, birth and post partum world attracted me. I started researching what a doula does and how it impacts a woman during that stage in their lives. It feels like my calling. Eventually, I've also wanted to explore midwifery as well. When I did my yearly goals part of them were to get my certification and to find a mentor. Then life happened. 

I didn't plan for life to take the turn that it did. With my son's diagnosis comes a whole bunch of doctor appointments and therapies both at home and outside of home. I barely have time to make it to my job sometimes. In the past 3 weeks I have been late at least once or twice every week. While working outside the home makes me happy; I know that my sons right now are priority. 

Yes, my youngest needs my support through all that he will be facing. However, my oldest needs my attention just as much if not more. I have to make sure that he still feels loved and attended to. I do not want him to feel pushed to the side or like his brother is loved more because he has special needs. It may seem like his little brother gets more attention, but I want him to know they are loved the same. 

I have decided not to persue doulaing at least not for now. As much as my heart hurts it doesn't feel like the right time. My family is priority. When we settle into all of this perhaps I will pick it back up. I will use this time to read all the required reading for certification without feeling rushed. It's a great time to get informed and research who to certify with. 

Life is hectic as it is. I am a strong believer that pieces of this puzzle will fall into place. It will take patience to navigate all of this, and as much as I may not want to be a sahm or wahm...that may just be what my family needs. My dreams are a part of me. What I feel is my calling will always be there. My passion to change the way birthing and motherhood are viewed won't change, but I have wanted to be a mom much longer than I've wanted anything else.