Letting Go.

Have you ever set goals for yourself and then realized that's not the path you're going down? Then you begin to feel frustrated trying to accomplish goals that just aren't you anymore? I have. I'm going through the motions of that right now. I'm struggling to come to terms that it's ok for goals to change when life changes. Not that I've backed down because the going is getting tough, but I've had an epiphany.

Remember that post about wanting to homeschool? Which I still very much want to do. However, I've come to realize that being a sahm isn't what I really want to do. I want to work. I know I can do it from home, but that's not what I want to do either. I want to physically go out and work for a living. I know I may be crazy for all of this. Shocking a mom wanting to work, but I feel like I've been kept from things my entire life. I want to shine. 

That's not to say that my children's education is not of my upmost priority. Rest assured that it is. I want my children to thrive. I want them to be successful. I want them to do great things, but I have to give them a chance. Public school wasn't my first choice, but I know I can make it work. I don't know if it's not the choice for them yet. I have to allow them to discover that. I have to allow them to show me what works for them and what doesn't. Inorder to make it all work, I have to be willing to stay involved. Help with homework and projects. Attend school functions, and conferences. If I want them to thrive I have to be part of their education. 

I feel like part of the problem is parents don't stay involved. Parents expect the school to teach their children everything. There are some things that schools can't teach. My children will be great no matter how they get their education. They will be great because that's what they want for themselves...if they do. Not because I pushed it on them. 

A part of me feels guilty. I'm backing down from a goal. However, I've chosen to let go. I have to be realistic, and I have to also consider myself. I've chosen to embrace our current situation and move forward. Live today for what it is and not get ahead of myself. Who knows, maybe a year or two from now we will get to homeschool. I can't get too ahead of myself, life changes rapidly.