Owning My Mommy Size

This post came about the other last night as I was sorting through my closet packing up the rest of my clothes. I started seeing items I hadnt worn since a few months after I got pregnant the first time. Mostly pants. A lot of them stopped fitting around 5/6 months into the pregnancy and I had saved them in hopes that post partum they would fit at some point. Its been about 3 years and they still wont fit. 

As I kept trying different clothes on and sorting through I was tempted to keep what I thought would some day fit. I sat there and thought a minute. I stared at myself in the mirror. Told myself "its ok if they never fit. There's no law book that says you have to fit right back into pre-pregnancy clothes. Your body is build differently because you carried and birthed two beautiful boys from it. Its time you stop wishing that clothes will fit and start owning your mommy size. 

What's my mommy size? My mommy size is about 2 sizes up from pre-pregnancy. Not because I kept the weight on, but because my hips widened and my breasts are larger. Looking at my surroundings women are under so much intense pressure to go back to what they once were. Told by 6 weeks its make it or break it the amount of weight you has lost or whether your clothes fit once again. Embracing my mommy size doesnt mean I walk around looking frumpy and not put together. It means I am no longer pressuring myself into meeting the standards of others on how i should look. 

Those first few days/weeks as a mom are so crucial. The new mom already has enough on her plate to stress about "bouncing back". Things like breastfeeding can be tough enough or maybe even preparing to go back to work to then add "bouncing back". Each and every body is different. Everyone will need different times to heal. Instead of pressuring ourselves into achieving something in a set time frame...how about we soak each moment in? Don't beat yourselves up for not loosing your entire 20lb weight gain in 6 weeks. Don't let anyone tell you what you should look like. 

I think the biggest mistake people make it the way they go about loosing weight. Crash diets. Shakes. Different chemical products. Treat your body right and be conscious of what you put in it. If you wanna loose weight feed your body the good stuff and give it adequate exercise, but don't stress yourself with some regime offline.  At the end of a crash diet or product your body goes out of whack and you gain your weight back. Get healthy by loving on your body not by mistreating it...and most of all embrace your new mom body! 

Much love xoxo

New Direction

If any of you reading this have been following my posts from the start you all know that I started my blog to help me deal with some issues. One of them being my fear of possibly having PPD (post partum depression). That was about 4 months ago. Today I can rest assured that I do not have PPD. However, it is very clear to me that I have major issues with anxiety. It is such an issue that if not dealt with appropriately throughout the day I start to feel as if I have a brick on my chest preventing me from breathing. I went to two therapist sessions seeking help. They both brushed my concerns off unless I agreed to be medicated. Sometimes I still wonder if I will need to be medicated, but I decided to cope with my anxiety naturally in my own way. I wanted to find myself inorder to help me deal with it.

My interest in the natural way of life awakened when my youngest now 9 months old was born. When I became pregnant with him I knew I wanted something different out of that experience . I knew that although I trusted my mom I didnt want her to influence my every decision, and so it all began. I planned to breastfeed until 2 years old, I delayed solids, I research gentle parenting and discipline. I wanted things to change. With that came my interest in natural foods. Organic became something I wanted to try. All I had ever been told was that it was too much money, but never that things were so fresh and rich i  taste. I was brainwashed by society to think that there was no way I could possibly afford clean, healthy meals for my family. 

At first it was only a drink. Slowly, I started cutting out soft drinks, and certain foods. I began to cook differently. I started making my own smoothies to replace meals. I cut out canned goods and replaced them with fresh, frozen and/or homemade. More and more organic products were being purchased and I was staying on budget. I kept researching this way of living I so desire.

So many things are changing. I am growing and taking a new direction in life. I have lost friends over my new path, but the reality is that I am at an age where those things dont matter. At this age you know who will stick around. I have so many plans for the upcoming year. So many things I want to be a part of and projects I want to start. Quite frankly those people who chose to walk away didnt need to be a part of it. 

Next year, I plan on starting training to become a doula. I want to give women the opportunity to make informed decisions on the way they birth and their birth space and to feel empowered by it. I do not want them to allow anyone to shut their instincts out because we know our bodies best. I want to support them in their choices regardless of what those are and I want them to trust in me that I will be there to take care of them. I am a nurturer at heart. With that I also have plans to obtain a lactation consultant license to raise awareness about breastfeeding in the community and provide services to women who cannot afford them. Most importantly with minorities. I am not here to judge. I am not here to say if you breastfeed you're a better mom than she who chose to formula feed. I just want everyone to have as much information as possible on the things they choose to do.

If you had asked me 4 months ago where I wanted to take this blog I would probably have said I just want to vent my feelings. Today I say I can stand by its name...I am going to document my journey! You will still see posts about my family, and I will still brag and rant, but I want to share everything from here on out that is going to happen to take me to where I need to get. 

Every bit of research I have done has changed my view on life. Like I said I am determined to change things. I want to step out of the box for once. You will see recipes I cook up, adventures lots of adventures and I will posts about things I am passionate about. Bare with me as this is a learning experience and I am in for one hell of a ride.

If you're not helping me advance in my journey today I wave you good bye! 👋